Every year you like to check in on the kids of the guy you lived with for six years but you didn’t marry because he wanted kids and you didn’t want them with him.
“I thought my genes were a mess, and his genes are definitely no picnic,” you say to his six-year-old girl, Pam, when she runs over to talk to you at the playground. “But you seem fine.”
You study her face. You see him in it, and hints of someone else. Those hints could have pointed to you.
“Are you studying my face to imagine if your features were on it?” Pam asks.
You nod. “You’d look horrible with my eyebrows,” you tell her. “But I think you would have benefited from my cheekbones. Your mom doesn’t have very defined cheekbones, does she?”
Little Pam shakes her head no. “Pisses me off,” she says.
“You have his big skull,” you say, reaching out to adjust her hair. “They shouldn’t part your hair like that with a skull like his. I hated his haircuts.”
Pam smiles as you take a picture with your iPhone and show it to her. Her older brother Matt runs over and interrupts.
“Don’t talk to her, Pam,” he says. Then, to you, “Stop imagining us with your traits instead of our mom’s. You made your choice, lady.”
“Yes, I made my choice. And I’m happy with it,” you tell him.
“Yeah right. That why you stalk us at the playground once every autumn?” he asks. “Admit it! You wish we sprouted from your eggs, and you’re living your life in regret for giving our dad the kiss-off.”
“As if!” you shout at Matt. You march away from them, pissed. Matt can be such an asshole.
“I’d be so bummed if I was your mom, Matt!” you yell from the parking lot.
Pam looks sad.
“Not you Pam!” you shout. “You’re cool.”
Pam waves and says, “See you next year!” Then she and Matt run and make their nanny put down her phone and give them snacks.
Fuckin’ Matt. He always gets into your head. You’re doing fine. You only check in with them to be glad you don’t have to raise an assmunch like Matt. If only he knew that. Maybe you should write him a letter letting him know.
Pam’s cool though.
Happy Watch The Kids You Didn’t Want Day!
