Teens are getting married left and right. It’s the new trend. Your state was running out of money so they lowered the marriageable age to 13 years old, with no need for parental consent. Thousands of teens experiencing puppy love have been flocking to city hall and joining in the bonds of holy matrimony.
It’s also been a windfall of legal fees as parents force their kids to go through lengthy divorce proceedings. Poorer families with handsome sons and beautiful daughters began instructing their kids to throw themselves at the homely children of the wealthy to legally bond the families, making their poor children heirs to the fortunes of the rich. Your 13-year-old daughter is one of those rich girls who got tricked into marrying a poor, but strapping boy.
“We’re in love,” your daughter protests.
“He only wants you because your parents want our money,” you tell her.
“You’re just jealous because he’s better looking than dad,” your daughter says.
She’s right. Your husband is disgusting.
“You have so many years ahead of you,” you tell her. “When you get to college, boys will discover the cerebral component to sexuality and they’ll throw themselves at you.”
“I don’t want a college boy,” your daughter says. “I want Buck.”
Buck holds her more tightly. They’re probably naked under their bedsheets, and there’s nothing you can do about it. A married couple has the right to their marriage bed.
“Buzz off lady,” Buck shouts, throwing one of his wife’s stuffed animals at you. “Leave my lady alone.”
You leave your daughter’s bedroom and head downstairs to your husband in the living room.
“He takes care of her,” you tell your husband. “He stands up for her.”
“So?” your husband says.
“So,” you tell him. “She’s never going to divorce him. In the meantime, I think we should throw them a proper wedding party.”
Your daughter is your daughter. Regardless of whether you’re being conned out of your money, you won’t be robbed of your chance to throw your first little girl a wedding.
Happy Teen Wedding Craze Day!
