They finally unfroze you and you came to before she did.
“You’ve inspired so many with your love,” the scientist says. “Do you remember what your last words to each other were? Were they ‘I love you?’”
Say, “What’s going on? Where am I? What year is it?”
They’ll tell you the year, the location of the lab, the fact that you were unfrozen after many, many years, and that the fact that you were found frozen in a block of ice holding hands with a woman has made many people revive their faith in love. The image has been shared all across the web and on magazine covers across the land. You and your unfrozen lady are the couple of the year.
“Who are you talking about?” you’ll ask.
They’ll show you the photo. You’ll squint.
“Oh wait,” you’ll say. You’ll squint some more. “Oh right. Sarah. Or, Sally? Savannah?”
They’ll tell you she’s in the next room if you want to kiss her while she’s still asleep but with cameras aimed at you for a live feed watched by the entire country.
“You know,” tell them. “It was just a date.”
Love at first sight, they’ll say.
“You know,” tell them. “It wasn’t going well. I kind of decided right away that it wasn’t working out.”
But then the ice age hit and you realized you were in love and that’s why you died holding hands, they’ll say.
“We were holding hands running, but then I was actually kind of trying to let go. Kind of worried that she’d slow me down,” tell them. “I was even worried about how it’d look if we ended up getting frozen together. But she didn’t let go.”
They’ll request that you never repeat what you just said, and that you tell anyone who asks that you’re in love with the girl you were frozen with.
Say, “Nope. It really wasn’t working. She was really into musical theater, and politically I made some jokes about Occupy and she seemed pissed.”
They’ll ask if you can just pretend to be into her.
“Nope,” say. “We didn’t connect.”
When your ice mate wakes up they’ll hold a picture of you in front of her.
“Ew,” she’ll say.
Happy The Ice Couple Day!
