You and the other women in your nursing home are sick of sitting around all day doing nothing.
"Let's form an army," say to them.
"What?" one will ask.
"An army," you'll repeat, louder into her good ear.
All of the other residents will look at each other for arguments against, then they'll all shrug and nod.
"Which one of your sons can get us weapons?" ask them.
Four of the women will raise their hands. Their sons are all members of domestic terrorist groups who are worried about health care reform.
"Who will be the target of our first assault?" one of the residents will ask.
Spin the rocking recliner in which you're seated slowly on its base so that you're facing all of them in such a position that the buzzing florescents above light your face in the most sinister manner.
Tell them, "Whoever gets in our way."
When an orderly shows up to give you all medication, strangle him to death with your catheter and flee.
Happy Elder Army Day!
