Cleaning out your garage last night, you disturbed a raccoon that was apparently living behind some empty paint cans. It jumped out at you, scratched at your cheeks and bit you several times on the forehead. When you came out of your garage, a woman pulled over in front of your house holding a map. She wanted directions to a local college. You fell in love with her instantly.
You got bit by The Love Raccoon.
"The what?" you'll ask your doctor.
"Love raccoon," he'll repeat. "Very dangerous and likely rabid. Their saliva makes people fall in love almost instantly. It also makes them foam at the mouth and turn extremely feverish. I'd better give you about 50 shots."
"But I've never been in love," you'll say.
"Well if I don't give you these shots you're gonna turn into a drooling mad fool."
"Is it worth it?" you'll ask.
The doctor will let his mind drift to the day he met his wife Ellen, when she stepped off of that ferry in the warm summer breeze, looking like an angel sent only to make him realize just how beautiful God's creation can be.
"Doc, is it worth it?" you'll ask.
He'll smile. "It is."
You'll shake his hand. Then you'll double over and begin throwing up.
"That's gonna last for the next week or so. Then you'll break out in hives and go blind sometimes. If your throat constricts, give someone a piece of paper telling them to call me. Now go after her!"
You'll run out of the examination room and pass out in a puddle of your own sweat on the waiting room floor.
Happy You Got Bit By The Love Raccoon Day!
