You've never even been in to see this doctor, but he started sending you bills anyway. They totaled $87,432 and they cover routine blood tests and other preventative health screenings.
"But I don't know who you are and haven't seen a doctor in years," you tell the doctor when you call.
"Must have been a billing screwup," the doctor says.
"So do I have to pay it?" you ask.
"Of course," the doctor says. "You got a bill didn't you?"
"But you just said it was a screwup," you say.
The doctor sighs. "Look, I don't know how this billing system works, and I would never presume to know. The billing system has a plan for us that we could never comprehend. What I think is a screwup is probably a part of a grand tapestry of billing that goes back for years and years, and will keep going into the future, until the billing system decides the time is right to reveal itself to a cowering mankind."
You realize that this doctor might be making sense. If you getting billed $87,432 for health services you never sought is part of a larger plan, that means your life isn't just a meaningless assemblage of humiliating moments that will end as randomly as it began.
If the billing system has decided you owe $87,432, choosing not to pay it would be tantamount to choosing to have never existed at all.
"Will you take a check?" you ask the doctor.
The doctor says, "However the bill says to do it, do that. Trying to pay any other way would only anger the billing system."
You hang up and read the bill. It says payment must be made in offspring (either two boys or three and a half girls).
Happy You Owe A Doctor $87,432 Day!
