Today, a package that you sent yourself will arrive via UPS. Do not sign for it. The UPS man will say, "What the hell am I supposed to do with it then?" Say that that is not your concern. He has taken responsibility for the package and you refuse to sign away that responsibility for him. The UPS man will say, "I worried this would happen one day."
Tell him, "Good luck," and shut the door on him.
The UPS man will bring the package home and sit it by the chair that he sits in to watch television. There it will sit for years, mocking the UPS man. Every day he will successfully deliver hundreds of packages to waiting recipients, but all he will be able to think about is the package sitting in his TV room, ever undeliverable.
Finally, on the night of his retirement, the UPS man will think, "Perhaps the package was meant for me all along." He will open the package and find the note that you wrote which says, "This package was meant for you all along, delivery boy." Underneath the note, he will find the ashen remains of one of your turds. Damn you, he'll screeam. Damn you.
Happy Do Not Sign For This Package Day!
