He’s got some bad news.
“I did the best I could. But the State won’t allow you to receive your lethal injection from a man dressed in a Boba Fett costume while another man in a Darth Vader costume massages your balls and talks about how you and he are one and the same. And they won’t abduct your mother and make her watch while her exclamations of disgust are pumped into the execution room via a hidden microphone.”
“What about the topless woman in a Greedo mask walking in just as I’m about to die and admitting to me that she shot first?”
“No go,” your lawyer says.
You shake your head in sadness for America. “They call this humane?”
“You shouldn’t have killed those kids,” your lawyer says.
Happy Your Lawyer’s Here Day!