“What did you just do under there?” your cubicle mate will ask.
You’ll place the lighter fluid, matches, and sunflower seeds (you chew them when you’re nervous) on your desk and you'll turn your big wide eyes towards your cubicle mate.
“Ohhhh I done did it,” you'll say. “I really done did it.”
The smoke will be rising now and your cubicle mate will shout that there’s a fire and everyone had better head for the exits.
“Ohhhh I done did it,” you’ll say, still at your desk with your head in your hands. “I really done did it.”
As everyone is filing toward the exits, start shouting, “I warned ‘em! I warned ‘em if they kept on pressurin’ me! Din’t I warn you all?”
Once everyone is gone from the floor, set off the charges by the wall to blow the far offices out from the building. From that point on you have exactly fourteen minutes before the firefighters make it to your floor. Haul out the bones you bought from the black market and lay them out near your desk. Then strip down and run around the floor rubbing your anus on everyone’s phone and computer mouse. THEN steal the 8 million in bearer bonds from the safe and get the hell out of there. You know this would go much quicker if you didn’t have to do the anus thing, but whatever. Just make sure the bones are lain out right so it looks like you got burned up and no one will go hunting you down in Buenos Aires. Seriously though, if you can speed up the anus part…
Happy You Just Went And Set The Carpet Underneath Your Desk On Fire Day!