You should hook your alarm clock up to one of the archaic yet ingeniously reconstructed bear traps that's attached to someone's head in the upcoming sure-to-be-a-hit horror movie Saw 4. If you don't wake up before your alarm and it goes off, then everyone in the audience for Saw 4 will have to watch the bear trap snap shut and slice an innocent young social studies teachers' head right through the middle (like around the nose-line). Of course, that's what everyone in the audience will have come to see anyway, so if you do wake up before your alarm goes off, an entire theater of people will feel gypped. This service will only cost you $49.95 per wake-up. If you're wondering why the makers of Saw 4 are letting people who need to be more disciplined about when they wake up in the morning determine the action and plotting of their movie for a nominal fee, the answer is simple: piracy!
Happy Wake Up Before Your Alarm Day!
