Tonight after watching the middle forty minutes of the movie “The Perfect Storm” on TNT, you’re going to go up to bed but you’ll be woken up when the air in the room goes cold. Standing by the window, lit up with moonlight, will be what looks like the ghost of Marky Mark.
“I’m not a ghost,” he’ll say. “But I am a vision. Remember at the end of the movie when I started talking to Diane Lane via my internal monologue?”
“Never saw the end,” you’ll say.
“Well that doesn’t matter,” the ethereal vision of Marky Mark will say. “Because had you seen to the end of the movie, you would not have seen what I started talking about via my internal monologue after that. I started saying, 'And if anyone out there can hear my internal monologue, I hereby vow to stay alive until you come for me. I will do whatever it takes, but alive I will stay. Never stop looking!'”
“Oh my God!” you’ll say. “So you’ve managed to stay alive in the Ocean all these years?”
“I learned to sleep without sinking so that I can regain my strength when I’m tired from swimming. And I can also catch fish with my hands and eat it raw now. Why did they stop looking for me?!”
“Because they cut that part out of the movie I guess,” you’ll say. “But I can hear you now. And I’ll make sure you’re saved.”
“Thanks,” the ethereal vision of Marky Mark will say. Then he’ll ask if he can stay there in the room and watch you sleep. He’ll say that he likes to watch girls sleep. You’ll consent.
The next day you’ll check wikipedia and you’ll learn that neither the boat nor the bodies were ever found. You’ll go to the coast guard and tell them what you saw, but they won’t believe you. So you’ll buy a rowboat and row out into the Ocean until you find Marky Mark, pull him into your boat, then take him home where he can thank you by marrying you. Congratulations.
Happy Those Guys On The Boat In “The Perfect Storm” Are Still Alive Day!
