It’s a testament to how great a boss you are that they haven’t let on. They’ll stand in the break room with you on a Monday morning, listening to your endlessly imaginative fabrications of your weekend with the wife. They’ll hear “we had a big day at Home Depot” and they’ll smile and nod with all the vigor of someone trying not to burst into tears over how sad they are for you. “Sometimes I worry Sharon might just move into her vegetable garden she spends so much time out there,” you’ll say, and they’ll just laugh along with you. They take your incessant “Sharon” name-dropping in calm stride, to the point where they don’t even blink. On those occasions when you have Margie, the prostitute you sometimes go and see, call in and pretend to be Sharon leaving a message for you, your secretary will go all out when you return to the office, greeting you with “Sharon called and it sounded urgent” loud enough for the whole floor to hear.
Only a handful of staffers are still on the floor who were there eleven years ago when Sharon snuck upstairs during your personal leave to gather a box of papers from your office that she needed to give to her divorce lawyer. They helped her and they hugged her, wishing her good luck, knowing they might never see her again. When you came back and didn’t once let on that there was even a problem, they felt for you, thinking you’d eventually announce your split when you felt ready. After several months of the charade, they knew something else was at play. They talked it up endlessly over happy hour drinks, and they decided if this is the life you wanted to pretend to live, they’d be there to live it with you. You’ve always been good to them. No reason they shouldn’t return the favor.
Tonight is Sharon’s birthday. You’re going to call your secretary and two assistants who sit nearby into your office and show them the necklace you bought for Sharon. They’ll ooh and aah and they’ll tell you that Sharon is going to absolutely love it. “I wish my husband was more like you,” one of the assistants will say. When you get a call, they’ll take the opportunity to leave your office, go into the supplies closet, link arms around each other’s shoulders and sob for you.
Happy Your Staff Knows Your Wife Left You Eleven Years Ago Day!
