Today you're going to drop out of society and wander the desert. After wandering for a while, you'll start to meet some other men who had the same idea. Except you're dropping out because you're sick of writing ad copy. They all dropped out because they didn't want to raise their kids or pay child support.
"So I chucked it all and went into the desert," Bearded Max will tell you. "You sure you haven't seen any water? You ain't holding out on me are you?"
"No," you'll say. "Nice to meet you Bearded Max."
They'll all of them have the same story to tell without much variation. Had a child. Got kind of pissed about it. Went into the desert. No hassles ever since.
"'Cept for looking for some fuckin' water!" Dusty Mike will tell you. "You sure you haven't seen any?"
"No Dusty Mike," you'll say.
When you meet Scraggly Brian, he'll be on his way back into society.
"Do you miss your kid Scraggly Brian?" you'll ask.
"Not as much as I miss water," Scraggly Brian will say. "I'm so thirsty I'm about willing to put that kid through college if it'll get me a glass of iced tea."
"Kiss your child once for me, Scraggly Brian," you'll say.
Scraggly Brian will say, "Ew. I have a son. Wouldn't that be gay?"
Shake Scraggly Brian's hand and send him on his way. By nightfall, you'll start to get a little lonely. You'll start to envy all of the other desert men who didn't just run away from a crappy job. They all can live here knowing that back in society there's a little person wondering where they are and if they'll ever come home. Must be nice, you'll think. Then you'll go mad from dehydration and you'll start screaming at a cactus.
Happy Desert Men Day!
