You can make people do cartwheels with your mind. That's it. You can't make inanimate objects fly around the room and you're not able to set stuff on fire without matches. Your talents are limited to being able to look upon a person in your presence, and if you will it to be so, the person will do a cartwheel.
Up until today, you will only use this ability on women who are wearing skirts so you can get a look at their underwear, if they're wearing any. You try to be respectful by only willing a cartwheel upon a woman if it�s clear that only you will see it. Never would you force a career woman out for lunch with colleagues to all of a sudden flip forward on her hands and expose herself to everybody. You did that once and the woman's companions just stopped in their tracks and stared. They didn't laugh or applaud. They stared for a moment, then they continued walking, forcing the woman to catch up. You can't help but think you caused an irreparable setback in that woman's career, and you've been far more selective of your cartwheel indulgences ever since.
Lately, you've been feeling rather dissatisfied with the sort of man you're turning out to be. You're thirty-eight years old and the one thing you have going for you is you get to find out what kind of panties women are wearing whenever you feel like it. Unfortunately, that doesn't get you any closer to some health insurance. The only time you demonstrate your character is when you refrain from making a very attractive woman in a dress do a cartwheel because she happens to be walking with a funeral party at the time. You feel the need to do more. Today you'll get the chance.
While you're waiting at a stoplight today, you'll spy a child running down the block across the intersection. A bus will be speeding towards the corner and the child will most definitely be crushed under the bus if he isn't stopped. At the same moment, a woman in a long paisley dress will be crossing the street perpendicular to the child�s path. If you make that woman do a cartwheel at exactly the right moment, she'll end up landing one of her twirling legs firmly on the child's chest and he'll be slammed to the sidewalk just as the bus comes screaming past. The child's sobs will let you know that he's alive. You'll continue your day, happy with the knowledge that for once you brought some good into the world. It will more than make up for the fact that the woman in the paisley dress was wearing a pair of bicycle shorts underneath.
Happy You Have A Very Specific Kind Of Telekinesis Day!
