There's either a rat in your basement or an orphan got in. Ever since the orphans escaped from the orphanage last month, the whole town has been warned to keep their doors and windows locked tight and to call the police if you see any children you don't recognize wandering around your house.
They like to sneak into houses and pretend they live there and are part of the family. They stay hidden mostly because they know if they're seen the dream will die. But eventually, they just can't resist revealing themselves in the deluded hope that the families will somehow welcome them into the fold. Some imagine that the families will size them up and decide, "We've been looking for an orphan about your height. Let's go sledding." Others hope that they can just kind of blend in without anyone realizing they didn't grow up there. You'll just be hanging around in your living room and all of a sudden this kid with a fucked up haircut you never saw before will walk past you like he knows where he's going. It never works out and it's always quite heartbreaking, just like nearly everything that has to do with orphans.
Go downstairs and check behind the water heater. That's where they like to hide. If you see an orphan, don't report him. Just scare him out the basement window by waving your arms a lot and shouting "WOOP! WOOP! WOOP!" The orphan will quickly rummage through his pockets and stick a lollipop in his mouth, trying hard to look cute in a hurry. He'll still have hope that you'll see a ragged innocence in him and he'll be too irresistible for you to send away. If he still refuses to leave, spritz him with ice water. They hate ice water. It's what the nuns at the orphanage make them take baths in.
Once the orphan is gone, you'll want to put up some razor wire. They hate razor wire even more than they hate ice water. Before you join your family for dinner, pull the shades down on all the windows in the house. Orphans like to press their noses up to people's windows and watch them eat dinner or watch TV together, and it'll make you feel like hell if you catch him peeking. Just like the orphan tried to pretend he lived there, you need to pretend that the whole experience with the orphan never even happened. If you let yourself remember that you sent an orphan back out into the cold where he'll probably be rounded up by the Squads, you'll try and make up for it by punishing your own kids and depriving them of things. It'll ruin Christmas.
Happy The Orphans Got Loose Day!
