You have a sailboat but you're not a very good sailor, so when a fog rolls in late this evening you're going to get turned around pretty bad and you won't know which way to head. You won't have any choice but to hope that the fog lifts and you'll be able to find land before not too long.
All of a sudden a decrepit cruise ship will shoot up out of the water and bounce atop the surface right next to you. You won't know what it is at first, until you hear a Lisa Lisa Cult Jam and Full Force song blasting over the bow of the ship. You'll remember a legend your father used to tell you about a gay cruise ship that launched from New York's west side and disappeared. It was said that the ship was cursed to sail the seas for eternity, keeping below the surface until the fog grows thick enough for the ship to come up for air so that the ghostly passengers might vamp a bit.
On the deck of the ship, you'll see skeletons dressed in fluorescent speedo bathing suits bumping and grinding to the music. Some of the skeletons will wheel a cannon towards the bow and aim it towards your ship. Your wife and son will cower together but you'll tell them not to worry. The skeletons will fire their cannon and a multi-colored cloud of streamers and confetti will rain down over your sailboat. The skeletons will hoot and holler at the display.
Finally, the worm-eaten corpse of a captain will address your boat through a loud-speaker, demanding that you turn over to the gay ghost ship any and all vials of amyl nitrite that you have on board. You'll respectfully explain that yours is a family vessel and you have no poppers. The captain will mutter something about how he hates the straight seas, and he'll turn his boat about. As the ship sails into the fog your wife and son will shiver at the ghostly moaning and clanking coming out of the ship's lower decks, which you'll explain is just the sound of the never-ending steerage level orgy of white-bone skeletons scraping and cracking against each other. Your wife and son will tell you that you seem to know a lot about gay ghost ships. Tell them to shut up, it's just a sailor thing. They'll smirk and say, 'I bet it is.'
Happy Gay Ghost Ship Day!
