Today in Starbucks you'll be browsing Match.com when you come upon the profile of a really cute guy who just so happens to be sitting at a table right across the room from you.
His profile will say that he loves sunsets and that he hates people who talk on their cell phones in public. You'll look up to see him talking on his cell phone very loudly about how the sun is about to set. 'Worst time of the day,' he'll scream into his phone. 'Bar none!'
You'll read more of his profile. It will say that his most embarrassing moment was when he put up a profile on Match.com. He'll say into his cell phone, 'Putting up my profile on Match.com had to have been the least embarrassing moment of my life. Bar none!'
He doesn't seem to value honesty, you'll think. Then you'll read his profile and you'll see that he made it clear that one of the things he values the least is honesty. Which is pretty honest of him to say, when you think about it. Maybe there's hope for him after all.
Reading further into his profile, you'll see that he says he loves kids. You'll look at him just in time to watch him pour his coffee all over a seven year old who was talking too loud for him to hear his cell phone call. The police will be summoned and take him away. He'll go peacefully, which will surprise you since his profile said that he would never go peacefully with the police. When he's dragged out to the street you'll finally see him in daylight and you'll realize he looks just like Charles Durning. That's surprising since his profile photo is of Denzel Washington (a promotional still from Training Day). Once he's gone, and you finally get a chance to stop comparing the real thing to the profile you'll be able to focus on just how desolate your life has felt these past few decades and you'll summon up the nerve to send him a wink.
Happy He's Nothing Like His Profile Day!
