Last night you started feeling kind of horrible about being recently divorced so you ate all your daughter's Chocodiles within about a fourteen-minute window. It was a whirlwind of gluttony and emotional compensation via binge eating. Immediately afterwards, you felt absolutely fantastic. But then the sugar rush hit and you don't really remember having gotten yourself to bed.
You're going to have to tell your daughter what you did. Even though she's seven and she doesn't have a penny to her name, she still thinks of the Chocodiles as hers. Just be upfront about it. She's capable of understanding a whole lot more than you think.
'I wanted to talk to you about what happened to your Chocodiles,' tell her.
'What do you know about my Chocodiles?' she'll ask.
Tell her, 'I ate them all. Last night.'
Your daughter will say, 'But they were mine.'
Say, 'I know. I needed them though. They made me feel better.'
Your daughter will say, 'Were you feeling bad Mommy?'
Explain to her that being recently divorced hurts really bad. And having to go back to work for the first time in eight years is scary as hell. Last night you needed something to make you feel better, and eating all of her Chocodiles really fast did the trick.
Your daughter will ask, 'So why didn't you just buy me some more Chocodiles and I'd never even have to find out about this.'
Tell your daughter that times are tough and everyone's got to pitch in. Occasionally, she's going to have to go without Chocodiles if Mommy needs to eat them all really fast in order to stop crying.
Your daughter will ask, 'The next time I feel really bad, like when I skin my knee, or the other girls throw rocks at my face because they think I'm dirty, can I make it all better by eating a box of Chocodiles really fast?'
Tell her you don't see why not. When she leaves the kitchen, grab her sherbert out of the freezer and make a run for it up to your bedroom.
Happy You Ate All Your Daughter's Chocodiles Day!
