There are a lot of ways to get your face on all the papers. You just have to decide what you want the caption underneath your face to read. You could have sex with a famous politician if you want the caption to say, 'Scandal!' or 'Senate-Bait!' or 'Hussy!' Just make sure you're not already married to the politician, because no one ever prints a photo with the word 'Wife!' underneath it.
If you want the caption underneath your face to read 'Jerkoff!' swindle your hometown out of its treasury. If you agree to take your hometown to get an abortion that you'll pay half for, then you don't show up at the appointed time, they'll put your face on all the papers with the caption 'Little Prick' underneath it.
If you want your face on all the papers for doing a good deed, the deed will have to be pretty exciting too. You can't just give lots of money to the poor, because the paper might just run a photo of the poor with the caption 'Today's Your Lucky Day!' or 'This Scum Gets To Eat Tonight!' If you want to get into the papers by doing good, you have to be a fireman or a soldier who is dead in a Iraq and they'll put the word 'Hero!' underneath your picture.
If none of these floats your boat, you could win the lottery but continue to go back to work everyday if you want it to say 'Rich Idiot!' underneath your face. You could kill more than one person, as long as you kill all your victims the same way, like by chopping off their faces and sticking them into each other's pockets, so that each body's pocket will tell detectives who the body to be found next will belong to. When you get caught, the caption would read 'Face-Off Killer!' or 'Pocket Full of Faces Killer!' or 'Caught! (The Face-Off Killer We Mean)'
In short, there are so many ways to get your face on all the papers besides being the grand prize winner of an Orgasm Contest at a sex club, so consider all the options. Those things are rigged anyway.
Happy Get Your Face On All The Papers Day!
