A Hooker Named Mistletoe Day!
"The way it works is, I come over and stand on a tall stool. You and your wife come and stand next to the stool. I arch myself over the two of you and you kiss. And whatever else you like. $200 an hour."
You've been stumped for what to get your wife this Christmas. The idea came to you when you were masturbating into the back of your free weekly and you saw Mistletoe's ad.
"I've been out of the game for a while, but there's no way for us to catch a disease from you by having you in our house, right?"
Mistletoe will tell you that unless she catches a cold or the Mumps, it should be cool.
"Mumps, huh?"
Think about it.
"What's the Mumps like?"
Mistletoe will tell you that as far as she knows, it's sucky.
"Hmm."
Think about it. Your wife has complained that your gifts aren't very inventive, and inviting a prostitute to hover on a stool over the two of you would certainly impress her. She also complains that you're too careful with her in bed, and that she wishes you'd be more reckless.
"Can I check my wife's medical history and get back to you?"
Mistletoe will say, "I'm booking up fast."
Say, "Fuck it. Come over on Christmas morning and hover over us while we screw. I have a birthmark on my penis."
Mistletoe will ask, "Why'd you tell me that?"
Explain, "I just don't like to surprise girls with it. In case you feared I had a disease. My wife was very understanding. She even said it turned her on. It's how I knew she was the one."
"She's gonna like her present," Mistletoe will tell you.
"Thanks Mistletoe," say to her. "And please don't slit our throats."
Mistletoe will hang up without responding.
Happy A Hooker Named Mistletoe Day!