She Agreed To Touch Your Thing At The Top Of The Ferris Wheel Day!
She's a beautiful cheerleader who's failing English. You're a lonely nerd who is ugly and smart. She came to you last week and asked you to write her term paper for her.
"If I don't get a B on that term paper, I'll repeat the whole year," she said. "I'll do anything in return. I'll even take you shopping to buy cool clothes so that you can be accepted by the cool kids. Maybe you'll even find out that you were cool all along and you just needed to be invited to the cool party. I'll even pretend to be your girlfriend if you want," she said.
"Touch my thing," say to her. "On the top of the Ferris Wheel at the carnival. Just like all the girls do."
Her face will scrunch up in disgust. "I've never touched a boy's thing on a Ferris Wheel," she'll say. "I've never even been to the carnival."
Say, "You want to pass English?!"
She handed the paper in on Friday and she'll get her B+ back today. Which means tonight, she has to ride the Ferris Wheel with you and touch your thing when your car reaches the top.
At the beginning of the second revolution, when they start pausing the cars in place, you'll pull your thing out and be ready to go. This way she won't have to waste time fumbling with your zipper. Once the car stops at the top, you'll look over at her. She'll have her eyes closed. She'll lift her hand and move it towards you. She'll lower it just inches above your thing before she yanks her hand back and wraps it around herself.
"I can't do it!" she'll say. "It's just too gross."
Zip up. "That's okay."
She'll say, "Really?"
"I mean, I was really hoping to finally have my thing touched," tell her. "But I can't make you do what you don't want to do."
She'll say, "But you wrote my paper for me."
"I like writing papers," tell her. "If you don't like touching boys' things, it's not a fair deal."
She'll say, "To be honest, I do kind of like touching boys' things. But not as currency. I don't want to have to touch someone's thing just because I'm doing poorly at school."
Say, "You shouldn't have to. You're right. But not everyone is as forgiving as me out there in the real world. For example, if you are ever given a high-paying job in exchange for touching the job interviewer's thing, and you try to back out of it, not only will he take back the job but he could break your thumbs. As if to say, Don't wanna touch my thing, eh? Then I'm gonna make it so you won't be able to touch anybody's thing."
She'll say, "That really happens?
Tell her, "It could. If you bite off more than you can chew."
The ride will come to a stop and the Carnie will open the gate on your car. But before you can get off, she'll plant a long wet kiss on your lips. "That's for being so nice to me," she'll say.
You'll be on cloud nine, until you step off the ride and start getting beaten up by the football team who all saw you kiss her. The football team doesn't like it when their cheerleaders kiss people who aren't on the football team. Though your lips will be swollen and you'll have to have your jaw wired shut, you'll still feel that kiss on your lips. You'll feel it all the way to the hospital.
Happy She Agreed To Touch Your Thing At The Top Of The Ferris Wheel Day!
