Your Watercolor Of The Virgin Mary Is Not Drawing Thousands To Kneel Before It Day!
Your press release was pretty good, yes. "Virgin Mary Appears In Seven-Year-Old's Painting Of The Virgin Mary." But Virgin Mary Appearing On Stuff appraisers found no spirit of the special old lady in your painting. Apparently, since you intended to paint a painting of the Virgin Mary, it doesn't count. It only counts when she appears in auto grease and on bagels.
Doctor Major Clement Borges of the Greatest Diocese Association wrote in his report to the association's Trustees, "This painting, while accurate, does not appear to be anything more than a painting of the Great Ma'am executed by a marginally gifted seven-year-old. In short, The Virgin Mary Wuz Not Here."
Marcia Tiegs of the Catholic Power Collective was much harsher in her response to your work. "Today, a seven year old painted a whore. There should be no suggestion that Our Wonderful Woman Of The Hills might be associated with this work of filth in any way, shape or form. Plus, too much blue. Seriously, it's like the kid ran out of every other color but blue but he had to finish. I hate this kid and hope he's sick."
And the Catholic Reporter wrote, "It's just a painting by a kid. It's not like it's an oil stain on a garage floor or some mold. The kid wanted to paint the Virgin, so he painted the Virgin. Run, don't walk, away from this painting of the Virgin, if you're looking for something the Virgin's appeared on that is. By the way, saw her in my pancake syrup again this morning. She was grinning ear to ear."
Your art teacher, however, gave you three gold stars. Take that to the bank, Duccio.
Happy Your Watercolor Of The Virgin Mary Is Not Drawing Thousands To Kneel Before It Day!
