Carnival Cruise Catastrophe Day!
Your parents' Carnival Cruise ship is going down in the middle of the Pacific right now. It's about to sink vertically like a dagger in a dead man's chest. Everyone is climbing to the top end because they all saw Titanic. There's not enough room for everybody though, so they're all just beating the shit out of each other and throwing each other into the—
It just went under. Maybe your parents made it. They had a good time though, up until tonight. A Carnival good time. Hope they make it.
Happy Carnival Cruise Catastrophe Day!