Muddy The Dirt Day!

Make it so no one can get to her anymore.

Say, "This dirt is too loose baby." Pour your seltzer bottle onto the mound atop her grave until the color of the dirt goes dark. "I know that didn't do enough, but soon it'll rain baby. And the dirt will soak through and then firm up like cement and none of the sons of bitches in this hideous town will ever be able to get near you again."

From where he's standing just a few graves away, Lane will say, "C'mon Greg before someone sees you."

Drop to your knees and hold some of her wet dirt in your fingertips.

"Damn shame," Lane will say, looking off away from you. It's like Lane is the generous-hearted guard who's taking you off to prison and he's giving you one last kiss goodbye with your sweetheart. He's looking away to give you privacy.

So you put the dirt to your lips and give it a kiss. And you feel a little better for doing it. The mud stays on your lips and you'll taste it there for the rest of the afternoon.

"Let's go Greg," Lane says. "Let's go make some motherfuckers pay."

"Okay," you say. You rise from the grave and walk with Lane to his car, which will drive the two of you back to the center of town, where the funeral reception is still in full swing.

Happy Muddy The Dirt Day!