By Candlelight Day!

You do coke only by candlelight. You're trying to preserve the romance of recreational cocaine use. Only problem is, immediately after you take a hit, you wanna take the candle flame and set fire to anything in your house that'll catch. You let the flames crawl up the curtains and across the couch cushions and you sit cross-legged in the middle of the floor in your briefs and you just giggle like a baboon. Then you come down just in time to get out of the house while there's still a path through the fires.

Today you're moving into your new split-level. The adjuster will be over later to give you the check paying off your last claim and to tell you that they're not going to insure you anymore, which is cool. The adjuster is pretty smokin', but you've been laying off out of respect for your professional relationship. But now that her company won't work with you anymore, she's fair game. Offer her some coke and a match. The only thing better than the blood pounding through your veins to the pulse of a fire raging through your living room is to have someone who looks good in her underwear standing by your side while it's happening.

Happy By Candlelight Day!