Plaster Head Day!

Have your friend Lou sculpt a perfect plaster sphere around your head. No eyes, no nose, no mouth. Just a round, milk-white ball growing out of your neck. This way, no one will be able to look into your eyes and realize you’re the one they want. This way, no one can rub their noses up against yours and feel like they've just been sent back into the warm wet womb with a fun little splash. This way, no one can watch what your lips do when they wrap up around a beer bottle, leaving them no choice but to grab you by the shirt collar and drag you home to meet their parents. This way, you won't have to buy so many hair products.

You're either going to have to be fed intravenously or suck all your food through a tube that's cemented into the base of the sphere and permanently inserted inside your mouth. But with a tube in your mouth all the time, you'll probably get nervous and chew on it. Go with the intravenous.

If you're not into the plaster sphere, get under the covers. No one will find you under the covers. No one will find you under the covers.

Happy Plaster Head Day!