Rainy Day Partycrasher Day!

You're drunk. But that goes without saying.

You're angry. But that goes with the terrain when you've been betrayed.

You're deaf in one ear. But that's gonna make this really funny.

You're wet, your hair is slick like typewriter ribbon in front of your eyes. Your longcoat is pasted to your body. Your scowl is vile. Your finger's on the doorbell.

"Dave," Frank says when he opens the door. It's Frank's house. It's his party.

"Send out Cara or I'm coming in."

"Dave, calm down."

"What?"

Frank leans to your good ear. "Calm down."

You shove past Frank into the living room. You're startled to find that it's not a big party, not the kind with a lot of people who don't know each other shoving past each other with their drinks held up by their heads. There are only eight people set upon chairs and couches. Really more of a get-together than a party. The scene you're making is different than the one you'd orchestrated in your head when you were peeing behind the bar. It'll have to be re-blocked.

"Let's go," you say to Cara. She's on the floor with her back up against the couch.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," she says.

"What?"

Cara stands up and says into your good ear, "Get out of here. It's over."

"Really Dave, this isn't the way to go." It's Mark, your former friend, the one Cara's left you for.

You say to Dave, "What?"

He walks around you, bumping an end table with his knee, to get closer to your good ear. "Dave," he says. "You've been drinking." He leans in and raises his voice. "This is no good buddy."

"I can hear you asshole," you say. "And don't you tell me what's good. Was it good for you to go sneaking around with my girl."

Mark's still shouting into your good ear, which is helpful because some rainwater just dripped from your hair into the ear canal and everything's just a bit muffled. "You were broken up for three weeks man. I didn't sneak around on anybody."

Back to Cara. "Get your coat. I'm not gonna tell you again." You spy a half-empty beer on the end table. You pick it up and down it.

"I'm not moving," she says. She can tell you didn't hear her, so she crosses her arms in front of her knees and shakes her head no. On the couch above Cara, someone you've never seen before places her hand on Cara's shoulder in support.

"Cara," you say. "If you don't come with me, I'll go alone. But not before I do something…unspeakable."

Cara doesn't budge. Everyone looks to you, waiting for what's going to happen. Pee right there.

Happy Rainy Day Partycrasher Day!