In This Room Day!

So much excitement right smack dab in the middle of this room. There was that double homicide. And that cat that came through the window from the fire escape and gave birth to kittens on your bed. These walls heard you lie to someone nine times (not including all the lies you told over the phone, just the lies you told face to face, here, in this room, seven were told to the same person, the other two were to two different cable television technicians). You danced here, on your bed. One thousand, two hundred and nineteen times did you fart in this room. One thousand, two hundred and two times did you come (catchin' up!). Only thirteen homeless people slept here at your invitation (selfish! insular!). 800 waking hours spent wondering why you couldn't fall asleep. Seven thousand conversations between you and the ceiling that should've been between you and Stacey. You didn't bleed all that much here. And your eyes never fell out in here neither. Remember that one time, when you sat on your bed and stared at yourself in the mirror for eighteen silent hours before you finally said, "why?" The walls were so fucking bored that day.

The walls were talking and they compiled a list of their 88 favorite things they enjoyed seeing you do in here. Here's the top five:

5. You, jumping up in the air and slamming your fist into the middle of the bed

4. You, putting your penis inside people

3. You, crying while wearing a lei (it only happened that once but wow)

2. You, pretending to be a magician while wearing a bathtowel

1. You, laying in bed awake, in the morning, staring at someone who's still asleep.

These walls will miss you when you go, but they're looking forward to a change. You've accumulated one hell of a stink over the course of two years Pig Pen.

Happy In This Room Day!