Ice Skates Day!

Girls in ice skates are for falling in love with. Girls who just took off their ice skates and are plodding their stockinged feet up to the counter to return them are to be chased after and begged back. Girls with ice skates hanging from a hook in the corner of a bedroom are to be broken up with. Girls who don't know how to ice skate put out. Girls who are presently ice skating should be smacked in the backside (but not so hard that they fall and scrape their faces). Drunk girls ice skating failed 7th grade. Girls who go ice skating and complain about the cold failed 7th grade and 3rd grade. Girls who hold a boy's hand while ice skating won't amount to much in life. Girls who bought some ice skates from a garage sale but never used them even though they've kept them for fourteen years and three apartments (two cities) are the most beautiful, intelligent, and attractive girls in the world and you should not be afraid to let them control your every thought, word and choice (you're stupid). Girls who lick the blade of an ice skate at the end of the night are pretty motherfucking awesome (check out Lauren ya'll). Girls who always get two left shoes when they rent ice skates are pretty cute and absolutely amazing in bed but they come off as kind of the "she'll do, I guess" variety. Girls who not only do not want to ice skate but are actually kind of phobic of it will steal your heart for several years before you realize they're only as interesting as their neuroses (terrible in bed too). Girls who buy drugs at an ice skating rink are pregnant again. All the other girls, lift up your pretty faces.

Happy Ice Skates Day!