Drink The Magic Potion, Faggot Day!

There are three ancient flasks on your kitchen counter and an adorable girl in your bed who's gonna wake up sober. You have to drink one of the flasks and become superhuman before she wakes up and discovers who she mistakenly went home with last night, thanks to dim lighting and the 38 dollars of whiskey you poured down her throat.

Only one of the flasks contains the magic potion that makes you superhuman. Of the other two, one turns you into a giant frog, which she probably won't dig but at least when she leaves and never calls it won't be because she found out who you are and what you're like. And the third magic potion turns you into something indescribably horrible. But again, it's either "I got the hell outta there because all of a sudden he was this skinned wraith with clawed wings," or "Dear Christ he was dull and unattractive." Win-win.

If you're still afraid to drink the magic potion, see if you can get her drunk again after she wakes up. Bring the flasks into the bathroom and listen to the closed door for when she wakes up. When you hear her rustling, say through the door, "You're probably really hungover. If you want to drink a lot of whiskey, it's in the cabinet above the toaster." If she takes the bait, stay in the bathroom around 45 minutes, long enough for her to get so drunk that you're worth her time again. If she says she doesn't want alcohol so early in the day, drink the magic potion faggot and start thinking of places for brunch.

Happy Drink The Magic Potion, Faggot Day!