Zoo Date Day!

He's the boy with the wallet full of American currency, the one with a bottomless bucket of compliments to bestow upon your dresses, the kid with the sloppy lidded eyes and the smile that's always asking, "you still wanna hang out then?" He's the boy you've been waiting for, and today he's your clean pretty Zoo Date.

No boy before him has ever thought to invite you to the zoo before. Because no boy before him has ever been an absolute genius. At the zoo you will hold hands. He'll hold your right, you'll hold his left, and you'll each use your free hand to pet the snouts of ponies, zebras and perhaps even a rhinoceros. You'll pet the snouts and share a smile and move on down the path, never once letting your hands go free, except when you sit down to eat your six dollar personal pan pizzas.

This boy, this groundbreaking boy, this Zoo Date will appear to glow after a bit of time. His warmth, his sincere desire to keep you liking him, his magnificent ideas in the field of heterosexual courtship, so much good will all just billow up from his frame like an odor in a comic strip. You'll see the glow, it will be red and yellow.

Staring at the penguin pool, you'll wrap your arms around your Zoo Date's torso. You'll hold him tight and necessary to you, and he'll kiss the top of your head seventeen times.

Happy Zoo Date Day!