Wish It Were Three Months From Now, But Only If The Next Three Months End Up Being Fucking Awesome Day!

Now sucks dick. Three months from now has got to be way fucking better than now. But if you've learned one thing, it's this: No matter how bad things get, not only can they always get worse, but while they get worse you'll probably get kicked out of your apartment or something. Which might just count as things getting worse, but when it happens, you'll see, you'll be thinking, "This is totally unrelated though! This is just a random kick to the nuts!"

So, it's okay to wish it was three months from now while ceremonially burying kittens alive, then stomping on the mound of dirt until the kittens stop their muffled shrieking, as Wicca dictates. But make sure you also wish that the next three months are way bitchin'. Because if you only wish it were three months from now and your wish comes true, you might find yourself in prison (you'll have finally wigged out and killed some hookers).

But what you're hoping for is that, if the next three months rule, you'll wake up and feel all better because you'll have just finished up three good months and you'll be on top of the world. Sounds good, but if you wish it were three months from now and that the next three months uniformly rule, there's nothing to say that those bitch-goddesses up in Wicca Heaven won't decide to let the three months you skip be the last three months of happiness you'll ever get to see and have you just wake up in a tub full o' pee with a rifle pointed at your head and some lady yellin' "Now splash around!"

I know you're just trying to get through something difficult, that you just wanna get it over with. But be careful when you make a wish. Wicca really works.

Happy Wish It Were Three Months From Now, But Only If The Next Three Months End Up Being Fucking Awesome Day!