If You Lay Down Long Enough, Someone Will Come By And Make Some Tea Day!

Hopeless? Sure! But that doesn't mean you're all alone. You've been staying in bed for a few days because it feels like no one cares if you ever get up and put some clothes on again, but that's right where you should be if you wanna get to the good stuff.

A lot of people don't know this because they get out of bed too soon. They either didn't crash hard enough or they felt guilty about people starving in far off lands so they say "ah fuck it you little baby" and they get out of bed and go to work and try to blend back into society (even though inside they just keep stabbing their own eyes out over and over again).

But you seem like you're in for the long haul. There'll be no get-up-and-go for you because you know for a fact that your pain, though caused by no identifiable occurrance, is the most horrible and sorrowful pain ever felt by anyone ever. A pain more palpable even than that felt by a Dad whose six-year-old just died. You're really sad and you ain't gonna budge.

That's why it's probably gonna happen today. You've stuck it out long enough, and sometime near evening there'll be a knock on your door. Obviously, you won't answer. So the door will just creak open and instead of it being your roommate asking if he can borrow your roll-on deodorant again, you'll see poke through the doorway the face of a mother.

Not your mother, mind you. The mother will look like either Vanessa Redgrave or Brenda Blethyn in Lovely And Amazing. The mother will shine her smile down upon you and say, "Are your dreams so entertaining that you'll not be coming down for dinner again tonight?"

You'll stay put (don't give up now), and you'll stay there on your side with your back to the mother who is opening up the blinds over the windows. You can't see her, but when there's a silence in the room, you can be certain she is standing in the middle of the floor with her head tilted to her right shoulder, offering the most sympathetic pout for her little baby. Then she stoops by your bed, kisses you on the back of the head, and she whispers to your hair, "I'll make us some tea. I haven't seen you in a while kiddo."

YES!

You pulled it off. In a few minutes you're going to be sitting up against your pillows and listening to the mother tell an inspiring story about how when her deceased husband (not your father, he looked like either Brendan Gleeson or a really old, fat Robert Sean Leonard) first met her, he was an awkward rude GI looking for a bed in her father's (not your grandfather, he looked like either Max Von Sydow or Jason Robards before he died) hotel in Holland. And he ate three dinners with the family before he asked her father if her could take his daughter back to the United States and make her his wife. He promised her father that she would never have an unhappy day for as long as she stood by his side, and he kept that promise.

When the mother finishes her story and her tea, she'll leave your apartment. That's your cue to get out of bed and try to find out where folks might be drinkin tonight.

Happy If You Lay Down Long Enough, Someone Will Come By And Make Some Tea Day!