Throw An HIV Party Day!

The last time you threw a White Trash Party, the only people who showed up were the losers who were trying to get the most out of the forty bucks they spent on their mullet wigs. Eighties parties are nothing but a chance for incest survivors to bury their memories for a short joyous respite (as long as the Kajagoogoo keeps playing, it's still 1986 and I haven't been molested yet). And orgies just suck.

There's still one theme you can attach to your next get-together. Throw an HIV party! Just ask everyone to show up dressed how they think they'd look if they had HIV. No one will get pissed off about having to go out and buy costumes because you can look like you have HIV even when you're wearing the same clothes you wear everyday. You just have to walk around with an expression on your face that says, "Fuck! Fucking fuck fuck!!! I can't believe I have fucking HIV!!! Fuck! Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck! Fucking... Ah well, I'm not going to let this thing beat me."

But if they want to go retro and dress all late nineties HIV style, the guys just have to wear Hawaiian shirts that look like they were found on the sidewalk. And the girls have to wear black tee shirts tucked into modest skirts or coulottes. And everybody has to wear Teva sandles.

You can also drop jelly beans into the high ball glasses and everyone can pretend they're drinking their drug cocktails. Play a videotape of Magic Johnson highlights on a loop. And you can play card games with pretzels for betting, but the amount of pretzels you have left reflects your T-Cell count. This is going to be such a good time and everyone in your social circle is going to think you're fun and funny.

Happy Throw An HIV Party Day!