Moleberries Underneath Your Shoes Day!

Today's the day. You're finally going to have your first kiss! And when it happens, there will be moleberries crushed underneath your shoes.

That's all I know, and I feel unsure that you should have been told that much. A first kiss is something you're supposed to remember for the rest of your life and you're supposed to get all weepy about it on the occasions that you're real drunk and looking for a topic of conversation because you're drinking with someone you don't know very well. It doesn't seem right to give a specific detail of a memory like that before the event even takes place.

Also, I hope this doesn't fuck things up in some way, the way you can alter destiny bytime traveling. I'd hate to think that you'll end up underneath someone's moleberry tree and look down at the ground and see a whole mess of black and red and purple moleberries ground into the ground and you'll think "Oh shit, this is it. It's gonna happen right now" and then you'll run away or move too fast or something. If the kiss doesn't take place, we'll probably all end up all of a sudden being ruled by cats who know how to use phones.

Which I guess would be kind of cool. It'd be worth it to be thrown into slavery just to see a cat pick up a phone and go, "Hello? Oh hey! I was just about to call you!" That'd be so fucking adorable.

So there you go. Enjoy your first kiss if it happens. If not, better go buy yourself some cans of tuna for bribes. And wipe your feet when you go home. Moleberries are hell on a carpet.

Happy Moleberries Underneath Your Shoes Day!