Tell People You're Not A Fan Of African-American Hip Hop Day!

First, tell the bike messenger riding the elevator with you up to your office. That's clearly hip hop music blasting out of his headphones. Just give him a tap on the shoulder and ask "What kind of hip hop is that? Is that African American hip hop?" If he says yes, go "Eww! I hate African-American hip hop! It's fucking awful!" Then ask him if he saw the movie 8 Mile. "Eminem won the rap showdown by making fun of his own shortcomings before the African-Americans could," you can say. I bet you two get into an exciting debate over how much African American hip hop men love to tease. Wouldn't it be funny if at the end of the ride, you and the bike messenger got off at the same floor and he ended up having a package for you the whole time?

The next person you should tell your aversion to African-American hip hop to is your husband. You've left him in the dark long enough. He will be shocked. Then he will ask you to lock your office door and remove your undergarments and perform your wifely duties there on the phone with him. Obey him. He is your husband.

The next person to whom you should say all that shit about not digging black beats is the child you put up for adoption when you were sixteen. The detective gave you his address three months ago. It's about time you contacted him to let him know that you think African-American hip hop is just a bunch of bling bling and guys saying 'Look at me, I'm so mean to people!' Then explain to your long lost son that you don't regret putting him up for adoption because you were not ready to be a mother at such a young age. Tell him you'll understand if he doesn't want you to contact him again.

Finally, send an anonymous letter to Jay Z that says, "I know what you have a blueprint for. You have a blueprint for being sucky!"

Happy Tell People You're Not A Fan Of African-American Hip Hop Day!