When You Overturn The Hyundai At Tonight's Race Riot, Make Sure Chicks Are Watching Day!

Shall we call you "Mr. Big Strong Tough Boy With The Impatience Of An Entire Oppressed Ancestry Stirring In His Belly"?

Or would a more appropriate name be, "Jeff Lonely?"

There, there, we all know how hard it is to find that special lady. Especially when you're so busy trying to tear down over 300 years of imperialist infrastructure one caved-in cop's head at a time. Who has time for dating?!

Well I think we both know where there's gonna be some pretty, white college girls who share your interests and would do anything for you if you would only tell them they're absolutely right about how ignorant their parents are. At tonight's race riot, that's where!

They're going to be watching you because they're not really sure what they should be chanting and when (the only one they know is "No Justice, No Peace" which they saw an angry mob chanting on MTV when they were 11).

No one's saying you're fabricating anything. You're a very sober man. Christ, you wouldn't snicker if the Chinese administered a tickle torture. All we're suggesting is, when you rock the Hyundai back and forth on its axle until it flips over to its side and finally tips over onto the roof, just put a little swagger in it. Chicks dig confidence and showboats get laid (FACT!). Can't you just hop up on the car's underbelly and start taunting the riot police from on high? If you get a blackjack to the neck tonight any one of those recently matriculated suburbanites is yours for the choosing. And remember, the jail cells are gonna be mighty crowded tonight and they might be forced to go co-ed. Those cots are wider than you think.

Just consider it. You might save yourself 35 bucks for an online personal ad. Good luck handsome!

Happy When You Overturn The Hyundai At Tonight's Race Riot, Make Sure Chicks Are Watching Day!