The Swimming Drunk Dilemma Day!

You wanna go swimming and you wanna be drunk as hell when you do it, right? Better get some chicken and some crazy bread (THAT BREAD'S CRAZY!) in your belly before you hit the bar, unless you wanna get all squiggly in the knees like last night.

But wait, if you eat chicken and crazy bread (IT'S UNHINGED), you won't be able to swim for an hour!

So then, you could either skip the chicken and the crazy bread (THAT BREAD'S FUCKING NUTS!) and be pickled with gin and soaking in the deep end within ten minutes, OR you could eat some chicken and some crazy bread (DEAR GOD THE BREAD IS OUT OF IT'S FUCKING MIND! RUN!) then get started on the drinking, waiting an hour to digest the chicken and the crazy bread (IT'S GOT A GUN!) running the risk of falling asleep or in love before you ever even make it to the pool. But ever since you were a little baby your Dad told you to never drink on an empty stomach. But ever since you were 27 years old your mom's been telling you to never swim on a full stomach. What do you do?

Kind'a wigs you out, don't it? Happy The Swimming Drunk Dilemma Day!