Muscles Day.

Not sure how your day's lookin', but if you were thinking of meeting up after work to drink margaritas until we're blind enough to accidentally blow some dudes, my schedule's pretty FLEXible!

Get it? FLEXible?! Motherfuck does muscles day make me just all a glitterflitter with tingly wingly feelings that I can't quite explain. Such power. Except for the chicks in the blue bikinis. They gross me out. But I like the Sha Na Na dudes with their cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve of their white tee shirts just above a single cartoonish bulb of "feel this, sugar."

I do have some bad news. Remember those twin baby girls who were born at the Mucho Musculariarios Fest at Camden Yards last Muscles Day? The mom started getting worried back in July because they didn't seem to be able to see nothin'. After some tests they found out that both the twins are those kinda babies who need glasses, which is way cute I think. But the doctor noticed some other shit wrong with 'em and sent 'em out to get more tests to find out if they're retarded and it turns out they are. So yeah, they both gonna end up retarded. But like primo retarded, is what I heard. So we're passing around a card later if you wanna sign it. But first we're gonna pass around a hat if you wanna chip in to buy the card and for the bus fair to go to the Hallmark store.

But let's not let that harsh our mellows or nothin. Jesus makes some people retarded to remind us that our unborn kids could be next if we do drugs or become poor. Come on, let's ride some rides!

Happy Muscles Day!