You're Doing Fine Day!

You didn't know this, because I am very, very quiet, like a kitten who's also been trained as a spy, but I've been watching you all day today and I have only a few notes.

1. The grinding your face into the roll of toilet paper in the office bathroom stall and sobbing until you think you might lose your bearing. Someone else has to use that toilet paper you know. You couldn't just unroll a wad and kind of grind your skull into that? I'm sure all your coworkers appreciated wiping their ne'erdowells with your salty tear drops and boogies. Work on that.

2. You've been talking to yourself waaaay too much when you're in public. When you were in Toys R Us a 6 year old just stood there and listened while you moved the arms and legs of a Gandalf doll up and down and said, "Maybe I'm just fucking out of the fucking game. Fucking fuck me. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. I don't fucking care. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Gonna get tacos before I go home for fuck's sake why can't people just pick up a fucking phone and tell you what's wrong with your face? Or maybe Subway..."

Work on that.

3. Your bath towels need to be washed more regularly. That's why you always think you smell the inside of your ear. Work on that.

Otherwise, good job, yo. Now get good and drunk and go to bed. IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT!