Sit On A Roof At Dusk, But Don't Bring Your Rifle Day!

I don't know about your neck of the woods and I don't really care all that much, but from where I'm sitting it's gonna be a pretty nice evening. That's why around 6:30 I'm going to climb out onto my rooftop and just kind'a soak in the twilight. Join me? We can watch the folks in their cars ease down on the clutch as they get closer to their families. We can chuckle at the Rorschach-inspired shapes of the bald spots of the boyfriends on the sidewalks, and we can wander down the cleavage of the girlfriends on the sidewalks from our bird's eye view. We can bring beverages, like a cran-apple drink or some Vodka. We can smoke marijuana. We can just lay back and get heavy-petted by the breeze and if you want to kiss, I don't know. We can talk some stuff out that we can't talk about at a lower altitude and we can spit on things or confess to crushes we have on mutual friends. And I promise not to bring my rifle this time. That was a bad idea, I'll admit it. That was my bad, yo. But how the hell does a newspaper get to print a headline like "Rush Hour Sniper Captured Before First Shot Fired" when they have no idea whether I was going to shoot anybody. As far as I know, it's legal to own a rifle and according to my lease, I have roof access. Is this Russia?