Following are situations in which it is suggested that you shut up and just fucking drive:
--A bank robber hops into your passenger seat and points a handgun at your temple and tells you to "Moooove!" and when you're forty miles outside of town and the bank robber (who is quite attractive as it happens. Been quite a while since there was something worth looking at in that passenger seat, yes?) is trying to burn his flesh-wound into a scab with the cigarette lighter you hesitantly allow yourself to glance his way and ask, "So where are we going?"
--You've been alone for quite some time and tonight you went to a disco hoping against hope to meet somebody who would be willing to pull down your pants. After a few hours you find you've drank too much to feel desirable and are about to make your way for the door. A gorgeous man/woman has just caught his/her gorgeous boy/girlfriend in a ladies room stall speaking intimately with an ex-lover. Enraged, he/she stomps across the dance floor in an "eye-for-an-eye" mindset. You feel his/her hand grip your arm and he/she asks "Do you have a car?" You nod and he/she drags you out to the parking lot and practically leads you to your Honda. As you drive aimlessly, he/she doesn't speak, just stares out the window as if his/her eyes could set fire to everything they look upon. You say, "So should I take you home?"
--You are a school bus driver. You've long passed the last stop on your route and you're going 7 miles an hour above the speed limit to get the empty bus back to the garage in time to meet the gang at McGillicutty's for happy hour. You hear a cough. A man's cough. The bus isn't empty. You screech to a halt and turn around in your driver's seat to stare directly into the bloodied face of your former chess mentor. You say, "I thought you were extradited."
--On a dark highway, you pick up the hitchhiking ghost of a celebrity who would like you to not speak but keep driving and who has a penchant for profanity.
--Everything behind you is in cinders. Everything up ahead belongs to someone else. The only thing left is the two of you, side-by-side, and the forward momentum. The first one to speak is gonna say "Pull over." The second one to speak is gonna say "Goodbye."
Happy Just Fucking Drive Day! Remember: Stay Alert, Stay Awake, Stay Alive and shit.
