Lay your palms flat on the sink and just lean in real close, never blinking your eyes, like if you blink once you might miss it when your reflection begins to fade and fill in with gray. Kind of shake your head a little. Like: "No...Can't be...no..."
Your coworkers will come and go, patting you on the back as they pass, using the sink next to yours and asking if you watched a particular sitcom the night previous and whether you thought a certain misunderstanding was as hilarious as they did. Say nothing. Hold your eyes directly ahead as if you're waiting for God to finish a joke.
On the occasions when the rest room is empty save for your slack form, start sorting this shit out. Say it out loud:
"Who'd respect you? Why?"
Wipe your hands with a paper towel, crumple the towel and beam it into the waste basket with all the fury you can salvage from your bile-drowned spirit. Then lay your palms flat on the sink again, the filthy germ-crawling formica, and stare into those frightened eyes until they're about ready to mock you. Say it out loud:
"You're gonna let it all slip away. In the end, you'll have meant nothing."
Breathe deep. Now close your eyes. Keep 'em closed until it's time. The rest room is gonna be someplace else when you open them again. Keep 'em closed.
Open. Say it out loud:
"Can't..."
