Don't Smile Monday!

You don't necessarily have to frown, just do not smile. If a coworker should acknowledge you by smiling as he or she passes you in the hallway, respond to the smile simply by staring at him or her until he or she looks away. Again, frowning is merely one in a vast garden of facial expressions from which you may choose to display. May this year's Don't Smile Monday bring all the blessings of the Don't Smile Season to your doorstep and to the doorsteps of those you love, those whose company you enjoy, those you don't care for but pity because they are clearly unsure of themselves, those whose boob you once accidentally cupped and it really was an accident, those who've bought you a round even though they're leaving right after this one, those who've returned CDs they've borrowed from you in a prompt manner and without the CD insert all covered in old food, those who can hang out with you but none of your other friends because they're really kind of dickish to everyone but you, those who doubt, those who can make really good chili without having to fucking brag about it all the fucking time, and of course, former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani.